The Girl Can't Help It

You know that phrase, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you?" Well, I say, Start taking fertility meds and the whole world seems to get pregnant. Except you.

I went to dinner with four girl friends last week. We were meant to be celebrating a rare night away from our significant others, to indulge in "girl talk," and to guzzle Chardonnay. Nary a moment after the first sip, the talk about pregnancy began. All of the other women at the table had at least one child. In short time, I felt alone among my small group, adrift without a paddle. Or an operational uterus.

The conversation morphed from pregnancy to birth, to vaccinations, to antibiotics, to playdates, and to pureeing vegetables. I was almost able to chime in at one point: I like a pureed parsnip as much as the next toddler.

There was a ten-minute interlude solely dedicated to tips and tricks for breastfeeding children with teeth.

It felt endless. Where was that waitress? I needed more wine. NOW. I monitored the conversation: there was not one single topic discussed that didn't expound on the experience of motherhood. I felt alienated, but I also felt sort of appalled. These ladies all knew my history. Normally talkative, I had virtually nothing to say. It would have behooved them to acknowledge that their conversation was totally and completely excluding a member of their small party. I was baffled by their lack of awareness.

This is not the first time I've experienced this sort of exclusion. And I know my friends: they would never be intentionally cruel. No one would.

I've narrowed it down to this: there are certain experiences in life, such as marriage and motherhood, are so all-consuming, so enthralling, and so fraught with confusion and emotion, that a life previous to this landmark event is simply no longer imaginable. In short: they just can't help themselves.

Being childless among the fertile masses has taught me to never dwell on the details of pregnancy, episiotomies, stretch marks, teething, breastfeeding, or a trial of solid foods in front of my childless friends. I'll never do that.

But I look forward to the moment when I just can't help it.