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Friday, October 22, 2010

Let's Talk Donuts

I hear and read about things such as "baby brain" and about crazy cravings and I wonder, "who makes this shit up?"  I'm convinced it's simply another way of pigeon-holing women as strange creatures with little in the way of common sense.

Except I have had an occasional freak-out if I cannot find a donut store within a short time frame.  It happened a few weeks ago, and I thought little of it then, but it happened again today, when I scoured the town where I work for one, measly, donut store.  By "scoured" I mean that I drove up and down streets looking for the word "donuts" on any building in town.  For a full thirty minutes. 

I concluded that there are no donut stores in this town.  Can you imagine a place without donuts?  An entire population without access to fried and sugared dough.  It's nothing short of a tragedy.  Luckily for this place, I'm quitting soon, never again to return without the armature of an apple fritter to protect me.

So maybe I have some cravings.  Maybe.

Baby brain -- well, I have always thought this to be something made up by the same people who invented PMS.  But now I have reason to worry that it might be somewhat accurate.  Just last week, I was eating a banana, and I set it down.  Moments later, I COULD NOT FIND THE BANANA.  And let me tell you, I searched high and low for that thing.  Hours later, I found the half-eaten fruit in the trunk of my car.  Oh, yeah, THERE.  Of course.  That makes sense.  Incidentally, it was a really hot, sunny day.  Not good.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. And I don't mean miracle-of-life funny, I mean funny as in odd, and mystifying, and truly hard to relate to from a distance, in my opinion.  I never thought I would turn into a sugar-craved, bumbling idiot.  But when I tell these stories to friends who have been pregnant, they say, "Yep, been there.  And there was this incicent with a chocolate cream pie..."

Which is all to say, that pregnancy is elusive and weird and but it has its moments, like when you don't give a rat's ass if everyone sees you stripping the meat off a drumstick while wearing a bikini.

And then it slaps you in the face with a rotting banana.

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1st millennium B.C., Near Eastern fertility goddess